Have you ever had a season in life when you existed in world of frozen desire? When you desperately wanted a chinook followed with sunshine to warm and bring your hopes to life?
We’ve been living in the land of ice these past two years. We so desperately wanted to move forward with buying land, building a clean home, starting a farm and one day, a family! But it seemed wherever we turned, everything we touched only froze solid.
This can be discouraging when you’re in the middle of it all!
It was only this spring that I sensed winds of change were blowing our way. As it turns out, those winds were chinooks that melted the ice dams obstructing our path. Now, we’re caught up in the flow of a steady current.
The chinook has come! I’m nervous, excited and apprehensive!
Remember the long-awaited peculation tests? They finally came through, were positive! We are ready to take the last step, one we’ve been working toward for the past several years!
I’m nervous! On our last visit to the bank, our financial services officer told us everything looked very good. And Friday-this Friday-we go to the bank with our design, plans and finances.
We’ve worked so hard toward this, it’s going to be difficult if we get a ‘no.’
There’s the list of ‘what if’ situations running through my head…
“…what if they decide we don’t have a high enough income?”
“…power ended up being 10x more than we’d hoped and water, double in cost. What if it’s too much?”
“…maybe they’ll think the house value is too low?”
The anxious side of me wants to be able to walk through those bank doors, plunk our plans on the desk and demand an answer in that moment. Waiting 3-4 weeks for an answer doesn’t excite me. At all!
But wait, I shall.
Folks, if you happen to think of us, we’d appreciate your prayers! My man has been carrying not only the load of house plans, researching and details, but he’s also managing the job and crew in his work place. We’re both feeling the weariness that comes at the end of the race, that difficult place before the finish line is in view.
In spite of our excitement and nervousness, I do hope my man and I will look back at this time with fondness. We’ve planned and designed together, have come to more deeply appreciate the strengths of the other. Together, we have worked for this, all the while asking God to keep our hearts, to let us know if we’re getting too caught up in our pursuits.
I hope we will one day look back see not what we accomplished in terms of material possessions, but what was accomplished in us through the experience.
But for now? We’re here, waiting for our answer.