I crawled out of the bed and stumbled over to her tiny crib. There in the corner of the room, she was stirring. Leaning over, I peered down at her little face in the dusky morning light that faintly shone in from the window.
A tiny chin, button nose, soft satin cheeks and wide open eyes greeted me.
Something soft and tender welled up inside of me and I couldn’t stop myself from scooping her up in my arms and giving her soft little face a gentle kiss.
And another. And another.
This is our baby girl.
My man says I kiss her too much. In fact, anytime he’s holding our baby and I appear on the scene, he warns her: oh no baby girl, here comes the kissy monster!
But after I recently learned that kissing your baby actually helps with their brain develop, I began reminding him that I’m not overwhelming her with kisses.
I’m growing her brain.
You wouldn’t want a baby with a weak brain, would you, daddy?
I didn’t think I’d want to kiss my baby so much.
Or that I’d be so infatuated with her tiny hands, feet, tummy and face, that her dark, observing eyes would be so captivating to me.
I wasn’t expecting the natural gentleness that comes into my voice when I talk to her.
I didn’t think I’d find myself missing her when others held her, that I’d eagerly wait for the moment she was back in my arms again.
In many ways I can’t believe we have a baby of our own. For so many years, it seemed like an unattainable goal, one we’d spend our lives working toward only to find ourselves too old (or unable) to have a child.
Life has been hard for my man and I. I don’t talk about it much, but these health issues of mine are no joke. They have a way of tainting everything we touch, dream of and attempt to take on.
At the beginning of this pregnancy, I found myself hardly daring to hope I’d actually carry the baby past the first trimester. And then I hardly dared to hope that my body would be able to create a sound and healthy child.
All throughout, I found myself carrying a nagging thought in the back of my mind, a “what if my body can’t do this and we have some serious complications?”
I tried to not let it get to me.
But that fear was finally removed when her wet little body arrived and she let out a hearty scream from the safety of my man’s hands.
Words can’t express how grateful I am, or how blessed I feel to have this baby girl in our life. After working and waiting for 7 years, it feels as if the sun has finally burst through the bank of clouds we’ve been living in for so long.
We finally made it. Everything we’ve so diligently and fervently worked for has finally paid off.
We have a baby girl.
And I wouldn’t trade her for anything in this world.